Monday, July 11, 2005

An Open Letter To The Project For Which I Will Need One More Ball Of Yarn To Complete*

Dear Molly Bolero from Debbie Bliss Junior Knits.
I have a bone to pick with you. What is this you're saying about needing another ball of yarn? I know that I have not been your constant companion since our relationship began with the purchase of your yarn on May 22nd. But please, cut me some slack. I know that there have been other projects that got in the way of your ultimate destiny. When I talked my step-mother into buying your yarn that day, you were fully aware of the Bamboo yarn that she also purchased so that I could make her a shawl. How could you not have known? You were in the bag with the Bamboo. You were also in the bag with the coordinating yarn that I purchased for a second and larger version of you.

So what is your problem anyway? I worked quite fervently on our relationship during the beginning of June. I know I've neglected you for a while, but I thought that things were improving when I picked up the stitches for your beautifully shaped collar. But now, NOW, as I finish the edging on the back I realize that you are a wretched yarn sucking black hole. You won't be satisfied until I have to buy another ball, will you?

It's the yarn, isn't it? You're upset that I thought to save a few dollars by getting the Merino Aran instead of the Cashmerino Aran. You didn't say a word when I bought that yarn and NOW you're doing this. That yarn was 30% off at the time, you miserable, spiteful hag. And now? Now it's not.

I bet you think that I won't be able to finish you. I bet you think that when I go back to the LYS that there won't be any more of the Merino Aran in your lot number. I bet you think you're going to bask in unfinished glory for all of eternity.

Well think again, girlie. Because I had Sheryl set aside a ball of your colour and I made sure it was still there when I was working at the shop on Saturday. I'm going to pick it up tomorrow and knit your cuffs and maybe even make a matching hat out of it. So suck it up, buttercup. Your lazy arse is going to be put to work keeping a little girl warm.

Don't you try to pull that attitude with me. I'll give your arse a tunin'.

*with apologies to She who needs not be linked and McSweeney's (which you should check out if you haven't already).

1 comment:

  1. mommy has a couple of projects like that right ow - knitting and otherwise...