Showing posts with label OMGOMGOMG. Show all posts
Showing posts with label OMGOMGOMG. Show all posts

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Operation Tozer*

I promised you the story of an elaborate revenge plot.  Why would someone feel the need to exact their revenge on innocent moi?  Let me tell you:

Many years ago, on a spring afternoon, my "BFF" Becca and I were running errands in her car with my dog, Bentley (the highly intelligent schnauzer who is now, sadly, in puppy heaven).  We had gone to about three different stores and Bentley had hopped out at one.  In retrospect, I think he was trying to tell us that he needed something, but we weren't listening.  We kept on running our errands, promising Bentley that we would be home soon.  Upon returning to the car after our last stop, I said to Becca:

"Why are your car windows steamed up?"

We opened the car door to find a very distraught dog who had pooped on the back seat.  

"AAAAAAAH!" Becca screamed, "Get out, get out!"

"Aaaaaah!" I screamed, "It's a busy street, get in, Bentley, get in!"

Fortunately, or perhaps not so fortunately, Bentley had pooped on a package that Becca was mailing to her mom, (sorry Mrs. S), and not on the upholstery.  We did some serious cleaning and airing out of the car.

Needless to say, this story has been told many times and, had Bentley been able to speak for himself, I believe he would have apologized profusely.  

Now, you're wondering, just how could Becca carry a grudge for something like this for so long... especially when you consider just how adorable Bentley was:


Well... it would seem that my dear friend is actually a brilliant mastermind. For years, she has been carrying this grudge and this past week, she followed through with her most devious plan EVER!

As you may recall, Becca has always encouraged my knitting.  She knows how passionate I am about it, and I believe she saw this as an open door!  As part of her plot, she "met" and married a man named Troy.  Troy's mother breeds dogs, Norwegian Elkhounds to be precise.  Then she and Troy adopted one of those dogs.  You may not know this, but Becca has horrible allergies and having a dog has put her back on her inhalers and she spends a lot of time clearing her throat and blowing her nose.  Despite this, she persevered.  The woman was that committed to the plot. 

She and Troy then built a house and invited me to stay with them while I was in town last week.  This is when the final stages of the plan were put into action. 

While I was in the shower on Tuesday morning, a certain four-legged animal, by the name of Tozer, snuck into my room and stole YARN OUT OF MY SUITCASE. When Becca saw him, sliding across the living room floor with both front paws on the mangled ball, she screamed.  I was getting dressed at this point and came running out of the room.  

Warning: If you are faint of heart, it is important to know that the photo that follows is a reenactment. This is not the actual yarn abuse in action.  

scam2

She wrestled the yarn away from him and it was remarkably unscathed, although a little damp from a severe "licking".

scam1

Despite the carnage, it only took about an hour to wind the yarn into a ball.

*Events may have been melodramatized for entertainment purposes.  In actual fact - I had a good laugh about Tozer and the yarn.  I just hope this event puts an end to the "Bentley Pooped in Becca's Car" story.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Stephilocks and the Two Hats

Once upon a time there was a girl named Stephilocks. (Look, if Goldilocks can be a name, then so can Stephilocks.)

Stephilocks was a determined girl and after reading a book about knitting, decided to knit a fair isle hat for her nephew.

The first hat she knit with Wool Gatto from Lana Gatto.

It was, sadly, too small.


Skully hat

Rather than rip it out, Stephilocks decided to knit another hat.

For the second hat, she decided to use the yarn specified in the pattern. She bought Baby Ull (in 2007) and then she cast on 200 stitches. This should have given her a size between the 22" and 23" inches, like the pattern said. But Stephilocks was a foolish girl and decided to knit the fair isle on needles that were .25mm bigger than what the pattern said to use.

Stephilocks knit and knit and knit on the second hat. She ate porridge of questionable temperature, then she knit some more.

She sat in chairs of varying degrees of comfort while she knit and knit and knit.

She slept in a bed that was just her size and then she got up and knit some more.

Then Stephilocks tried on this hat:


Skull Isle

and she cried out, "ARGH! What is this? Some deranged interpretation of Goldilocks and the Three Bears? Am I going to have to knit THREE hats to get it right?"

Stephilocks then put down her knitting and fixed herself a good, stiff drink.

The end.

Monday, November 12, 2007

A Tragic Tale of Handknit Socks

On Thursday I was at the local university interviewing students. I donned my interview outfit - black pants, black turtleneck and my green Travelling Vines scarf. Knowing it was cold outside, I also put on my cozy Posh socks. Remember them? Here they are:

The victims



Then I pulled on my "hoochie" boots and, being an earth friendly commuter, headed for the bus station. The bus took me a block from my ultimate destination, and I walked the last bit, silently cursing the boots:

Evil boots



I welcomed the students and sat and talked to each of them for half an hour. By the end of the morning, my voice was going, but my feet felt fine. I checked in with the office and was told that I should take the afternoon off. Yay! I made a couple more phone calls and then set out, on foot, for my SIL's house only a few blocks away. Mr. Happy planned to meet me there.

My feet were about to go on strike when I arrived at the house. My SIL fed us a delicious lunch (squash soup with mushrooms and curry) - and after my feet started to recover I took my bowl to the dishwasher. My SIL commented that I was walking funny.

I said, "My heel feels weird. Just a sec."

I sat down and pulled up my foot to look at my heel. This is what I saw:

Darn it!



With the echo of my anguished scream still sounding in the air, I moaned:

"Darn it, darn it, darn it."

This is my first handknit sock loss. I think I need time to mourn.

Monday, October 15, 2007

Please excuse Stephanie from blogging this week...

Dear Blogreaders,
Please excuse Stephanie from blogging this week as she has a very busy week ahead of her. The conference she has been planning, for 130 people, takes place this coming weekend.

She has a lot of things to do this week and as such she will not have the time, nor the mental capacity to do much more than request hotel room changes, assemble gift bags and eagerly anticipate the long nap she'll be having on Sunday afternoon when the conference is over.

In the meantime, please have a look at this lovely yarn that she received recently as part of Gromit's contest:

Romney Ridge Farm



This yarn is from Romney Ridge Farm and is patiently waiting for a project worthy of its lavenderness.

To quote Gromit: "It's a luscious blend of wool and mohair that Kelly has spun at Green Mountain Spinnery and then dyes herself. If you get a chance to stop by her store do so, it's well worth it! She's lovely and gracious and is in a bucolic setting that seems like a paradise to a city slicker like myself. The animals are adorable, though the goat is voracious."

Thank you for your patience.

Saturday, September 01, 2007

Neighbourhood Wedding and The Dangers of Knitting at Receptions

I've really been slack with the blog lately - it's not that I don't have lots to tell you about, but the truth is, we've just been so busy here at Chez Happy (should that be, "here, Chez Happy"? at=chez?) that I haven't really had much time to write about what's been going on.

On the 18th of August Mr. Happy and I were invited to two weddings. One was in Cape Breton and was an entire weekend affair - due to Mr. Happy's work/practice schedule, we weren't able to attend Laura and Scott's nuptual fete. Mr. Happy was, however, able to take some time off so that we could celebrate with our neighbour as her son, David married the lovely Emma.

Dahms Wedding



The ceremony itself was lovely - the presiding Justice of the Peace was a retired RCMP officer with a great sense of humour. The groom's younger brother plays drums and so the bride walked in to the beat of the congas. The rain even let up long enough for the couple to escape for photos.

The reception was pot-luck and those of us on "Lasagna Duty" dashed back across the bridge to pull them out of our ovens. (One of my neighbours had arrived at my door on Saturday morning and asked if I could put three lasagnas in our oven during the ceremony). We grabbed the lasagna and the sushi I had made as an appetizer and dashed back to the reception.

The entire evening was such a fun time; we really felt the community spirit of the wedding and the love surrounding the Bride and Groom.

Mr. Happy and I were just so thrilled to be out with our neighbours. For those of you who might not know, Mr. Happy and I own half of an 85-year-old semi-detached house. Our neighbour is an empty-nest single mom, whom everyone calls Flip. She is simply the best neighbour EVER! The neighbours on the other side are a sweet couple too - in the winter Mr. B sometimes does our driveway with his snowblower. In Canada, a neighbour with a snowblower is the best friend you can have.

Anyhoooooo, during the reception Mr. Happy and I had a great time chatting with Emily. Emily is yet another of those people I always see at live shows but never really get to chat with because, well, the music is always too loud. Emily is really funny and I'm really glad I finally had a chance to get to know her. Next time, I'll shut up a bit more and let her talk!

Food at Wedding


After we had finished eating (rather, stuffing our faces with everything on the buffet), Emily asked me about what I was knitting. Being a Knitter, I reached into my bag and pulled out my yarn and needles. (Do I need to mention here that the wedding was extremely relaxed? 'cause I would totally knit at any wedding and in fact, knit in the church while waiting for my cousin's wedding to begin last month.)

Wait, let's have a look at the cupcakes. It'll help you deal with what comes next:

Dessert at wedding


Mmmmm... cupcakes. Ok, moving on:

I explained to Emily that I had been working on a sock and that I had ripped it because it was too wide for my feet. I put my needles (Brittany 2.5mm double points) on the table, took one from the set and proceeded to cast on for my sock.

As I chatted with Emily, I wasn't really paying attention to what Mr. Happy was doing. It wasn't until I turned to take another needle from the four on the table that I beheld scene akin to the carnage in a horror movie.

Mr. Happy, thinking my needles were skewers left over from the kebabs he had eaten earlier, had...

are you ready for this?

...had BROKEN THREE OF MY NEEDLES IN HALF!!!!

Of course, I immediately took a photo:

The reason why I strangled Andrew


I'll let you have a moment to come to grips with this.

Ok. So, of course I shrieked, "What on earth are you doing?" and smacked him on the arm.

He replied, "What?"

And I said "Those are my knitting needles!!!!"

I have never seen Mr. Happy's face look so shocked in all of our time together. I knew the needles could be replaced, so what followed was tempered by the fact that both of us were on the verge of laughing the entire time. Emily sat there like a passerby watching a train wreck.

Mr. Happy,earnestly: I thought they were kebab skewers! I was trying to make...

Me: They're BIRCH! You didn't notice that they were harder to break than the kebab skewers?

Mr. Happy: Well, they were a little bit harder to break...

Me: AAAAAAAH! They're Brittany's!

Mr. Happy laughing: Oh no... I used one to pick my teeth!

Me: Stop! Don't tell me any more... you're making it worse!

Mr. Happy, trying to distract me: Emily - you're never going to let me live this down, are you? You're going to tell everyone.

Me, turning to Emily: Well, Emily, you're always going to remember David and Emma's wedding as the night that Mr. Happy and I decided to get DIVORCED!!!

Emily: *nervous laughter*

Meanwhile, on the dancefloor:

Dancing


In the end, the needle breaking incident was too funny not to forgive Mr. Happy. It wasn't like I couldn't replace the needles. In fact, I went out the next day and bought another set of Brittany's and an Addi Turbo.

A week later I had knit an entire sock. I cast on for the second one on Friday night and on Saturday, while at Tangled Skeins, I knit the second sock past the heel. Here's a mid-day progress shot.

Charade Socks


details:
Pattern: Charade - toe up
Yarn: Koigu KPPPM
Needles: 2.5mm Addi.
Notes: Short row toe and heel
Started: Aug 19th.

All's well that ends with knitting. And I'm loving my Addis.

Sunday, August 12, 2007

Sending Out an SOS to the Knit World

Today I was pulled some projects out of my UFO basket and decided to silence their cries of unfinished anguish by making them whole and complete.

After a little hemming and hawing, I decided to overcome Second Clog Syndrome. About a million years ago, I made a Felted Clog (the Fiber Trends pattern) in the smallest size. Much to my astonishment, that first clog used exactly ONE skein of Brown Sheep Lamb's Pride. Feeling rather self-sure, I picked up the second skein and started knitting.

About 20 minutes ago, and 3 rows from the finish, I ran out of yarn. I've spent the last 20 minutes crying in a corner, clutching my bag of BSLP scrap yarn, muttering, "Black, Grey, Pink... but no KIWI!!!!"

Here's the SOS: I don't want to buy another whole skein... and I don't remember seeing this colour at Tangled Skeins. Does anyone out there (hopefully in Halifax) have about 3 metres (doubled, so 6 metres) of BSLP in Kiwi??? There may be a Henry stitch marker in it for you.*

*is that bribery? or am I just pimping out Henry?

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Harlot Hangover in Halifax

I overslept this morning and when I woke up, I was still tired. I'm attributing this to several factors:

1. Yesterday was my first day back at work after vacation
2. Mr. Happy left for NYC yesterday - I didn't sleep well b/c I knew he was on the road.
3. The Yarn Harlot was in town last night.

I don't know if it was the anticipation of the event, or the time I spent laughing my arse off, but I think I have a Harlot Hangover (which, I suspect, is quite different than a regular hangover, though no less fun in the making). The Ninja and I didn't stay out nearly as late as the rest of the KOLers, so I can't imagine how they're feeling today.

We met at Your Father's Moustache for a quick bite and then headed over to The Lord Nelson. Because we are nerds, we were first in line. We may have used the sign as a battering ram (see photos of that action here) .

Once in the room, we quickly claimed the first couple of rows and took a quick photo. Many thanks to Stacey who took this photo for us.

The KOL crew at The Lord Nelson

Honestly, everyone, this is the better photo of the two on my camera. Only one person is blinking and Meegie's got that "Someone is gonna get a hurt on real bad!" look on her face. Heh heh. I think there are a couple on Lesley's camera.

From left to right:
Back row: Jennifer D, Juliana, Rhonda, Moe/Terra, Jen K, Julie, Me
Seated: Meghan, Jesslyn, Cate, The Ninja, Alison, Lesley, Baby Gabriel and Henry
On floor: Mary*, Deb B.
Absent: Lots of people! Alumni and current KOLers.

There was some mutual blogging, or facebooking, going on:

mutual blogging?

I did take a couple photos of the Harlot while she was speaking (rather, making us laugh so hard that I almost had to stop knitting), but you can barely see her head over the podium.

I did attempt to "Kinnear" her while she was getting ready to sign books.

Kinnearing (?) the Harlot

I'm not sure if this photo counts as a Kinnear. Perhaps I should check the criteria for Kinnearing someone. (Do you see her bag? I thought Moe was going to abscond with it.)

Deb cast on as she was walking in the door for the Harlot reading.

Deb B's sock

When Deb walked out of the room afterwards, the sock was to the ankle. Apparently, an evening with the Harlot is about the length of a child's foot.

We had a grand time waiting to have our books signed, acting silly:

Jen D - Or 1950's movie starlet?

(Movie Starlet or Jen D?)

listening to our yarny consciences:

Evil?  Good?

(which one is the angel? and what is the internet for if not for posting fugly photos of yourself?)

and playing with Gabe:

Gabe, flirting with the girls

who promptly fell asleep just before meeting the Harlot:

Gabe doesn't make it through to the end

Henry, on the other hand, was wide awake for his moment with Stephanie. He brought the sock he made, but he was so star struck that I don't think he remember to tell her about it (it's toe-up, made with Opal solid).

When Stephanie pulled out the travelling sock, Henry almost fainted.

Posing Henry

Stephanie, the consummate caring knitter, fanned him with her hand (which explains this photo). He kept slumping over, so I had to prop him up against her book in order to get this photo:

Henry and the Harlot and the Travelling sock

He told me later that he was deeply honoured to have held Virginia's hand dyed sock yarn. He had tears in his eyes (trust me on this one, he did) and so did I. The yarn is so pretty. If the way a woman uses colours is even a hint about the kind of person she is, then I have to believe that Virginia was a very beautiful soul indeed.

It was a wonderful night. I think it was just what the Maritime knitters needed. Despite the knowledge that Stephanie can pull knitters out of the woodwork, it was still a pleasant surprise to see that many knitters in one place.
A couple of my favourite lines of the night:
(Paraphrased) - Knitters: a creepy sub-culture
In reference to Elisabeth's boyfriend: "Take his yarn away and then see who's the crazy knitting lady."

*Mary came out to KOL a few times when she lived in Halifax. She was in school at the time, so she was super busy and we didn't see her often. She made the trip from New Brunswick on the bus and got a ride back afterwards with some knitters from NB. That's dedication worthy of a t-shirt and KOL alumni status!

Monday, July 09, 2007

How to Scare Away the New Neighbours

Tonight, I talked to the daughter of the rhubarb patch neighbour. She informed me that the house sale is finalized tomorrow. The only things she knows about the new owners are:

1. They bought the house
2. The city has approved the lot being divided.

I am alternating between:
1. Fear.
2. Tears.
3. Outrage.

To think that someone might divide that beautiful lot into piddley lots and build a house on there is horrifying. Not only is it a beautiful garden, but well, we're scared for the big tree in the yard. We love that tree. I've already threatened to throw myself between the tree and the tree cutters. My only problem? I'm leaving for Newfoundland tomorrow night. By the time I come home, they may have toppled the shed already!

We've had it so good here at the Happy House. Despite our location, we have a fairly quiet back yard. I'm really worried about having neighbours who can see in my kitchen window.

Angie and I were discussing ways to make the new neighbours reconsider their decision:

Me: Ok, here's what we're going to do. Andrew and I are building a 9 foot fence and... and... we're going to be rude.

Ang: hee hee

Me: and we're going to walk around outside in outfits that would make a redneck proud. there's going to be a lot of arse scratching, farting and "adjusting".

Ang: so nothing new then HAHAHAHAHAHA

Me: No, not really

Ang: You should call andrew cletus and he should call you brandine and you should adopt 14 kids with different diseases for names gonerreha (i know I spelled it wrong) is a pretty name

Me: Little Gonner. That's a good boy's name!

Ang: gonerhea is a girls name, by the way

Me: "Gonner, you get your finger outta yer nose, unless you're sharin' with your sister, Rhea!"

Ang: hee hee you are perfect for the part. you need to get a mullet and/or a perm

Me: And stop dying my hair with expensive dye, just use Sun In

Ang: and cut of all your shirts at the navel and don't let andrew diet. He needs to start standing in the front yard with a beer
shouting at nothing

Me: Heh heh. I think we'll have twins, Gonner And Rhea.

Ang: nice


So, that's the plan. Operation Gonorrhea.

Wish us luck.