And I Ran Like Phoebe

This morning, Mr. Happy and I were both heading to Halifax, so we decided to take the ferry together. He was heading to work and I was heading to a convocation brunch where I was to hand out an award (smile, shake hands, have photos taken, wish recipient well, etc.).

We had just crossed the street in front of our house when I said, "Oh no, I don't have any knitting with me!"

I could feel the panic welling up inside me; what if I had free time? what if I had to wait a long time for the ferry? what would I do on the ferry? what if I had to wait for my coworker on the other side?

Mr. Happy looked at the desperation in my face and upon consulting his watch and he said, "You don't have time to go back."

I looked back at the house and then at Mr. Happy and in a fraction of a second, I decided that I could outrun him.

I turned around and started to run (dressed for a fancy occasion, mind you)... and I shouted over my shoulder as I ran,

"YOU CAN'T MAKE ME STOP!"

It wasn't until I emerged from the house and saw Mr. Happy patiently waiting for me on the corner that I realized just how crazy I must have seemed.

When I caught up with him, he said, with a bemused smile, "Did you get your crack?" and that's when I started laughing uncontrollably.

heh heh... "You can't make me stop!"


FO of the day:

Pattern: Azure by The Knitting Pharm
Yarn: Sweet Georgia
Colour: "Life Aquatic"
Needles: 2.5mm
State of Happiness: Overjoyed!

Ok then...

...so I won't do that again. Although, I'm sure it just counts toward that "eat a peck of dirt before you die" rule of thumb and I don't appear to be suffering any ill effects from it. (This from the girl who may have drank the tap water in Brazil.)

I had stuck the gum to the top of my keyboard (which I clean regularly, b.t.w.) at the end of the day while talking on the phone... and then absentmindedly popped it in my mouth the next morning while checking email.

Just a thought: isn't chewing gum meant to be stored on the bedpost over night?


And in the theme of randomness that this "knitting" blog has become, I would just like to say that my new, least favourite, corporate buzz phrase is:

"working in silos"

Don't even get me started on how this metaphor is incredibly inaccurate. Next person who says it, gets a slap from my tiny but mighty hand.

Older, but not Wiser

A summarized transcript of a phone call I made from the bus this morning:

Tammy (my coworker): Hello?

Me (whispering into my phone so my fellow commuters wouldn't hear): Hey Tam, it's Steph.

Tammy: Hi!

Me: Are you busy?

Tammy: No, oh, but it's your birthday! Happy birthday!

Me: Thanks. Hey, I was wondering if you could do me a favour.

Tammy: Sure, what do you need?

Me (sheepishly): Um, well, see, I got on the wrong bus this morning and I was hoping that you wouldn't mind coming to get me.

Tammy: OH NO! Where are you?

Me: Dartmouth Crossing. I saw the 6 on the bus and thought it was the 66... but it was the 56...
I'm such a moron.

Tammy: No you're not. But it's not a good way to start your birthday.

Me: Can you pick me up on Commodore?

Tammy: Sure.

Me: Thanks Tam.


Note: I am not THAT blind, but when the bus rounded the corner this morning at the Mic Mac terminal, I squinted, saw what I thought was the 66, then turned my back to the bus in order to walk to where it would eventually pull up. It wasn't until I got on and noticed that one of the other people I usually see on my bus wasn't getting on that I started to wonder. But she was wearing jeans, so I thought she had the day off and was going somewhere else.

Luckily, Dartmouth Crossing is about 1km from my office.

Apparently 34 is not going to be my banner year.

Blissful Domesticity*

Imagine the following scene:

Voice speaks:

"It's cold outside, and I, the benevolent narrator of this little vignette, am walking along a quiet street. On this cold and blustery evening I clutch my collar tightly about my neck with one hand as I hold down my hat with the other. As I make my way past the warmly lit houses, I see that the Happys are home for the evening. I wonder what quaint domestic scene is unfolding in there. Let's have a look-see, shall we?

We approach the Happy household, and peek in the windows.

Ahhhh, a quaint domestic scene: The lamps are lit and there is a candle glowing on the dining room table. It would appear that the Happys have had a nice supper and are relaxing after doing the dishes. Mrs. Happy is sipping tea and knitting, while Mr. Happy relaxes on the chesterfield.

I wonder what they are chatting about? I suppose they are making plans for the weekend or perhaps discussing world politics, art, music or some such thing. Ah... well. Let's leave them be, shall we?"

Narrator wanders off down the street. Content in his assesment of the Happy scene, he anticipates arriving at his own home.

Meanwhile back inside the Happy household:

Mrs Happy: ... and then she said...

Mr. Happy, interrupting: Oh My Goodness, Stephanie, you have got to see what is in my bellybutton!

Mrs. Happy: Wha? In your bellybutton?

Mr. Happy: Yeah, come look. It must be from the new shirt I'm wearing.

Mrs. Happy (crossing the room and peering at Mr. Happy's stomach): OH MY! That's insane! Look at that!

Mrs. Happy plucks the lint from Mr. Happy's bellybutton. It's HUGE!

Mr. Happy: I KNOW

Mrs. Happy (reaching for a camera): I have got to take a photo of this.

The Queen seems amused.


*Alternate titles:
1. Because the Internet Just SCREAMS For Crap Like This
2. Documented for Posterity
3. Somewhere, In a Cottage in Ontario, a 1.5" Long Nose Hair Is Taped To a Wall
4. You Can Serve Dip in It Too

HRM Stitch and Biotches Night...

Alrighty then, where are all you other Halifax knitters? I know it is summer and you're all out gardening or something, but COME ON PEOPLE! There is such a thing as summer knitting. Geez, It's called cotton! (There's some nice cotton sock yarn and some Rowan 4-ply at Tangled Skeins).

Yank out those knitting needles, pick up some nice summery cotton and get your arses out to the HRM SnB (And for the sake of some Google hits: Halifax Stitch 'n Bitch, Halifax Stitch and Bitch, Dartmouth, whatever). Wednesday nights, 7pm, Uncommon Grounds on South Park street. Again, if this location is highly inconvenient for anyone, we CAN move (except they have a really comfy couch, great oat cakes and darn good Cafe mochas). What's that? Speak up! I can't hear you if you don't comment. Hey, Allison, are you still knitting? Yes, you with the Fizzy Gingerale in your hand... yes, I'm talking to you! This invite applies to you too!

While Moe, Morgan and I do manage to fill a couple of hours with witty banter (we're witty, right ladies?), I'm sure that we could clear some air time for new knitters who want to join the group. I know you're out there. I'll be blogstalking you... All ages and genders are welcome. Seriously. Not kidding about that... well, if you're under the age of majority, we'll have to have a note from your mom, dad or legal guardian, 'cause we aren't cutting back on the cursing. And if you're a guy who knits, we will kick the arse of any uninformed morons who raise their eyebrows at the sight of a man knitting. They'll get a history lesson (everyone, turn to page 12 in your Stitch and Bitch, please) and then an ass whuppin'.

(Great, I told my dad about my blog last week and I just used the phrase "ass whuppin". Hi Dad! Aren't you proud?)

Okay, end membership drive here.

So, did you see that link up there? Moe has gone and got herself a blog. She's come out of the blog-stalking mode. Peter, Paul and Mary, that girl knows her bloggers!!!!!! Anyhoo, please, go check out her blog. I'll be here when you get back. She's got the most adorable dog over 25 pounds EVER (I still love you Minou). Sophie. And Sophie has a dogster site... and did you see Morgan's news? She's got a knitting gig!! Congrats Morgan! Woohoooooo! Small party with Fleetwood Mac soundtrack just for you...

Moving on. While driving home tonight I was thinking about what I want to do with my life. Yup, I'm over 30 and I still don't know! And then I was thinking about the movie High Fidelity and how Rob makes his top 5 list of jobs that he would like to have if education, money and the year weren't factors.

I know that a lot of us have jobs (that thing you do to pay the bills), others among us have careers (the job you have b/c you went to school and trained to do it), but very few of us having callings (the job or career that you enjoy so much that you would do it whether or not you get paid, or the job or career that fits you like a glove). I have no delusions that my job is my calling. Soooooo... here's my list:

1. Photographer for National Geographic, (1940s and 1960s).
2. Interior designer (1920s, 1950s and present)
3. Baker / Pastry chef
4. Author (children's books)
5. Artist / Artisan / Jewellry maker - no, I don't know what medium. Yarn?

Now, I'm not sure that this is my final list... in fact, the list could change tomorrow, but what I'm really curious about is, if you're not currently working at your "calling", what is it that you would like to be doing... oh heck, even if you are working at your "calling", is there something else that could happen that would make it better?

Ang, I think I already know that you're going to say you want to design for Cronenberg...

So, just go ahead and give me the top 5 list anyway. Answer it on your blog if you want, or you can all just leave the answer in my comments. I pass the conch off to all of you, please don't get all "Lord of the Flies" on me.

G'night all!

High Kicks

I was just doing chorus-line kicks in the photocopier room because I just called around to cancel our weekend training session.

This is great b/c:
1. I had made plans for Andrew and I to go out tonight with JAK and her husband. Now I don't have to come home super early.
2. I can plant some more seeds tomorrow and work on that baby sweater (coming along nicely - I've finished the back and am working on one of the front sides now).
3. I can hang out with my sister-in-law. Her husband is away at a conference. It's the first time he has been away on his own since they moved here 4 years ago. She usually goes with him to conferences, so this is her first "single parent" weekend in 4 years! She's Pippin's mommy, b.t.w.
4. I will have time to get more work done on those messy rooms!

I feel kinda bad b/c:
1. One of the ladies was really looking forward to this weekend.
2. One lady who cancelled did so because she was sick.
3. The other lady who cancelled is having a really hard time at home right now. She's a real sweetie so I feel awful that she's going through some rough stuff. I am glad, however, that she chose to opt out of the weekend. Her family comes first right now.
4. I am now free to go home for the weekend, but as I'm going home FOR SURE in two weeks, I would really rather stay home. I'm such a miserable shit (my mom would have called me that, I know it).
5. My hunky optometrist looked really bad last night (he grew out his hair and he's got highlights - bad ones) and he gave me new contacts to try. I don't think they are going to work out b/c my eyes are stinging right now. This has nothing to do with the training session cancellation.

As it turns out - my eyes did get a little worse. Not such a big change that I need to change my glasses prescription. But I really don't think this new kind of contact lens is going to work out. Owee!!!

Just as I suspected, he had to flip my eyelids up to check under them. BUT after he flipped my right eyelid., I expected him to do the other one. Instead he said, "Ok, I'm not going to do the other one because, well, you've got really strong eyelids and from what I saw under that one, the other one is probably fine."

You know, I always suspected that I had some sort of superpower... but I never suspected I would have abnormally strong eyelids.

"Would you like me to open that jar? Let me just use... my eyelids."

"You're about to jump from a burning building? I'll catch you... with my eyelids."

"Your car is dangling over a precipice? I'll grab the bumper and pull you to safety... with my eyelids."

Vocabulary

So, I've been thinking over the last few days about the words and phrases that I often use. I realy don't know why, the subject just popped into my head after I read "Adrenalin junkie" on Claudia's blog (I'm on html and I'm too lazy to link ce soir). I saw that descriptive and thought, "Now that's funny." Then I thought, "Geez, I really need to incorporate new words and phrases into my vocabulary."

Somebody, please, tell me that we all do it and it's not something particular to me. We all have a tendancy to repeat words, don't we? I'm sure there must by a psychological study of this phenomenon somewhere! I had an elderly auntie who taught school in Japan for many years. My most vivid memories of her are of hearing her say, "Isn't that tremendous!" about pretty much everything I did. Hey, I was a kid, she was a nice lady, she thought I was a child genius, I wasn't about to argue with her! I can't help but think of her when I find myself repeating words/phrases. I caught myself saying "That's unfortunate" on a somewhat regular basis a couple of seasons ago. When I realized that I was wearing the expression out I did my best to move on.

So, in light of that my fear of having a repetitive, nay, even dull, vocabulary, I give you some nifty little lists (yeah, I don't have a camera tonight. If I did, you would be seeing a photo of the cool present I made for my knitting coworker/friend, but I don't have it, so I'm moving on)...

Words or Phrases I Should Probably Use Less Often:
1. F*ck or F*ckety f*ck f*ck (used at work; my manager uses it too)
2. Sh*t (used daily, sometimes hourly)
3. Cool (lame-oh way to express delight, highly overused, need better descriptives)
4. Awesome (see #3)
5. That sucks (used as a catchall for situations in which I don't know how else to respond in order to express my dismay).
6. Son of a Wh*re (said it this afternoon when the office photocopier started bunching up my copies just as I was getting ready to leave for the day - the only way to combat this phrase is to take beat the photocopier into an electronic pulp using the coffee maker that makes crap coffee).
7. If you don't stop snoring, I swear to God I'm going to suffocate you with this pillow! (No, wait that's an entire sentence, I'll have to think about that one.)
8. Sorry (It's a national mentality, what can I say? Sorry! Argh!)
9. Doh! (I don't know where I picked this up, other than Homer, but I hate that I say this!)
10. I'm gonna kick your ass. (used by my manager - she's always joking - as well as Red Foreman - I was doomed to pick it up.)

Words of Phrases I Could Live Without Hearing From Others:
1. I've got a lot on my plate. (This one drove me NUTSO when it was in popular usage. I felt like telling people, "If you're worried about the amount of stuff on your plate, then you shouldn't have been such a glutton at the buffet!")
2. Buzzword (it's almost as annoying as the trendy words it describes)
3. It won't cost you anything. (yes it will, it just cost precious seconds of my life)
4. Industry or Corporate words and phrases:
a. Yes, but what kind of ROI (return on investment) will we get from that? (often used as an excuse for NOT doing something that DAMMIT, would give you a great ROI but you're just too stupid/scared to do)
b. Pharma (This is used to refer to companies who make drugs. For those of use who have time in our lives to use all the syllables, Pharma = pharmaceutical companies. Pharma sounds too much like "Farmer" with a Maine accent.)
c... ok, my brain just stopped working... there are more, but I can't think of them right now.

Words or Phrases I Would Like to Use More Often:
1. I just paid off my mortgage. (A girl's got a right to dream.)
2. Diabolical
3. Any phrase used by the character of Jack on Will and Grace - I love when he uses celebrity names as expletives, par example, "Anne Heche Laffoon!"
4. Most of the words I get from my "Merriam-Webster Word of The Day". Like picayune.
5. I live in hope. (used sarcastically, of course, because I love sarcasm.)
6. Retail Therapy

Words or Phrases I love hearing from my friend, RJS.
She's an elementary school teacher, she cracks me up and she is soooo going to be upset with me for this.
1. Suck it up, Buttercup. (She says it with such attitude.)
2. You need to STOP. (She doesn't say this to me, just to her students.)
3. Meant to shop! (said when the perfect parking spot is found)
4. Ok, I'm having an Always moment... (We call ourselves the Always girls in honour of those mind-numbingly bad Always sanitary napkin commercials where seemingly normal women talk about how much they love the wings and other equally important and life-altering features of their pads. We have never discussed pads, but we do discuss other non-menstrual cycle related products. Having an Always Moment is when we tell each other about a new product we've discovered and whether it's good or not. Burts Bees lipbalm has surely made millions off my Always moments.)
5. Kaka or Caca (She used to say this when she worked at a daycare, presumably it was because she saw more of it in the run of a day than she does now.)
6. I must have been drunk (I've misused this phrase and am now concerned that some of my employers are concerned about my sobriety.)

Ok, here's a phrase I know that JK will be happy I said, "I've got to go make brownies for tomorrow!"