Dear Schmamadian Schnire,
Over the years I have spent many hours walking your hallowed aisles. I spent many an evening of my childhood in the "city" reluctantly trudging behind my father and brother as they combed the store for this or that. I, like many youngsters, had a bit of Schmamadian Schnire money in my wallet and used it to play "store" with my little friends... I have worn your helmets, lifejackets, snowshoes, winter boots, skates, and snowsuits.
In my adult life, I have wandered through your store wondering how all of the employees seem to disappear just when you need help carrying something or finding something or want to ask a question about a product. I have even seen 5 of your employees playing football in one aisle of the store while at least 3 families looked around helplessly in the bicycle aisle the weekend before Easter. (A little known fact: the Easter Bunny brings new bicycles in Canada)
Despite the shitty customer service I have returned time and again to buy things for my home and my car. I have saved up my Schmamadian Schnire money to put toward purchases. I even have to admit that I really enjoy a trip to Schmamadian Schnire. Like many other Canadians, I always find something I need or want at Schmamadian Schnire.
Right now, however, I'm a little disappointed.
A week ago, I purchased two cans of paint. One white, one green, and both mixed by yet another of your unhappy employees. She flipped open the lids, showed us the colours and then hammered them shut. She did not, as is generally suggested, check the colour by spreading some on the chip and drying it with a heat gun.
On Saturday, I cracked open the white paint. I started cutting in. I worried to myself, "Gee, that looks pink". It was pink.
I spent an HOUR standing at the paint counter trying to get it fixed. Exceedingly long story short and three cans of paint later, I walked out with the correct colour. Since I was already frustrated and just wanted to get going, I didn't get the boys at the paint counter to check the can of green I had brought in with me.
So tonight, almost a week later, I started cutting in what I hope will be a cheery, bright green.
I have just spread what looks like pea-soup baby vomit on my wall.
I will be in to see you tomorrow. It will not be pretty. And I really hope that hard-done-by clerk is working again this Thursday.
I will have to think about our ongoing relationship.
The girl who insisted on the yellow and black CCM Boy's bike in 1984.