Remember Angela of yesterday's post? We've known each other for, let's see, almost 13 years now. In that time I have never heard her use a word that would make her grandma frown. She wouldn't say "Shit" if her mouth was full of it (Tangential thought: I've never really understood this saying, because 1. everyone knows you're not supposed to speak when your mouth is full - it's rude and you might choke. 2. If I had a mouth full of shit the last thing I would be worried about is telling those nearby exactly what it was that was in my mouth. I would think that I would be more concerned with expelling said substance from my mouth.). I haven't even heard her curse when she stubbed her toe. Never. Not one curse word or vulgar word has ever escaped her lips in my prescence. Not once in 13 years.
Until tonight.
At 12:08am Atlantic time, Angela used the word "Ass" in a sentence. I had to stop the conversation and make note of it. I've never heard her use the word ass, even in reference to a quadriped of equine ancestry. I'm still in shock. I've only just now recovered the feeling in my feet.
She said something along the lines of "I have a very clean ass" (the exact wording of the sentence has faded from my mind as it reeled; I was only able to focus on the word ass).
Mind you, she said this as she was extolling the virtues of the bidet in her apartment. Ever since Luc, aka Dictator Daddy, fixed this fixture she has been singing the praises of this 4th piece of her 4 piece bath (really, who would consider the bidet to be piece #1 in order of bathroom importance? Everyone knows that the toilet is #1, followed by the Sink at #2 - based on powder room rules - and #3 is the shower or shower/tub combo). I am surprised that she has not yet composed an ode to the wonder that is this bidet. Or the Ballad of the Bidet.
Now you know why she has a clean ass. She said she was allowed to use dirty words because her ass was so clean.
New reasons to love Angela:
18. She loves her bidet.
19. She has a clean ass.
20. She now uses the word ass.
Still reading? Sorry about this. If you knew Angela, you would probably write down the date you first heard her use a "vulgar" word too.
I will have you know this is our bathroom
ReplyDelete#1 BIDET
#2 Large Bathtub
#3 Toilet
#4 Shower
#5 My Sink
#6 Luc's Sink
In that order. Watch out - I will type it too - I have a VERY clean ASS.
But really, what isn't there to love about a bidet?
ReplyDeleteThe first time I encountered one was in Japan. It was actually a toilet/bidet combo. And get this. It had a remote control. No kidding. You controlled the whole toilet with a remote control. Forget Godzilla and Mothra, you could take over Tokyo with a toilet. I heart Japan.
Mommy tries to tell me it is a pretty fountain and waits until I get really close. Then she turns the water up as high as it goes and gets me wet. I don't know why I fall for it everytime!
ReplyDeleteSometimes she even tells me there is cookies in the bidet - you always have to check you know - what if there is? I would be really sad to not get to eat them.