Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Reasons Why I Shouldn't Go Into The Dressing Room At The Gap!

1. The lighting is horrible.
2. Because it is "that time of the month" and my skin has turned from its normal deathly pallor to a colour I like to call "Wow, does that pimple ever stand out on your forehead when you skin is all white like that" (with thanks to whoever it was that first observed this lovely phenomenon) - the aforementioned horrible lighting has been amplified about 100 times. It's refecting off my pallor.
3. I will inevitably end up standing in front of a full length mirror wearing underwear and bra (that don't match each other) and dark socks. This outfit is entirely my own fault. The fact that everything I can see that isn't covered by the mismatched undergarments is JIGGLING LIKE A BOWL OF JELL-O ON A SHIP AT SEA DURING A FREAKING HURRICANE is also entirely my own fault too. Well, mine and that of the Breyer's ice cream, the Cadbury's Easter Cream Eggs and whatever else I ate over the winter. The only consolation - my boobs look pretty good. Sigh.
4. The chipper dressing room attendant (who probably hasn't eaten in months) will ask if I'm doing ok and if I need any other sizes. I will consider asking her for a new sized body, but will instead mumble something about being "fine" which everyone knows is code for "Fuck off" (with apologies to the genuinely nice kids who work at the Gap).
5. Finally, and quite possibly the worst point of all of these things: Nothing will fit properly or look good.
I mean, who the heck goes shopping when they've got their period anyway? What was I thinking? Yeesh.
And just because I'm bored:

This photo of me was taken at a friend's wedding a couple summers ago. The friend is now divorced. I don't know if it has anything to do with the fact that I made eye glasses out of the party favours... Is this strange practice common anywhere else but Atlantic Canada???? They had made "roses" out of two Hershey's Kisses, coloured foil, florists tape and the wire you see bent into my spectacles. I will say - if you think I looked funny, you should have seen the rest of my friends at the table.
Wow - my hair was super short then.


  1. I HATE the Gap's lighting... it is the WORST. I am so glad that it is not only me!

    I always feel ugly in there, which is exactly the opposite as they want me to feel. They should do something about that.

    I always look so pale and sallow looking and I think they have spotlights for cellulite.

  2. Well, though I'm not happy you went to Body Image Hell ... ooops! I mean "The Gap" .... I am comforted by the knowledge that it isn't just me who thinks their lighting somehow, magically, transforms me from the Me of My Imagination to the Me of Fish Belly. LOL. Your descriptions were perfect!

    Sorry I've been a lame and bad blogger recently and also, did not check my email in a timely fashion or thank you for commenting. I've been so self-absorbed. But I'm breaking free! Free of the late-night sadness. And how am I doing it? With blogs. Yup. Blogs. LOL. And now I have to go catch up on all your back posts!!

  3. All store changing rooms are evil. I like mail order, then I can be humiliated in my own home.

  4. i thought you had photoshoped those glasses on!! heh heh heh.. Yah.. all dressing room lighting sucks. especially the ones where you think you are an 8 and end up in the 12 - those dressing room lights REALLY suck....

  5. Hi, Stephanie, I HATE little girls who try to help you in dressing rooms! My daughter used to work at the Gap and she didn't like doing it either. Thanks for the comment about Bob's sweater. He didn't used to pay much attention to my blog until there were some comments about him. Made his weekend! Jane