Wednesday, July 06, 2011

A little over a year ago

Bleaklow by Sesser
Bleaklow, a photo by Sesser on Flickr.
Just 13 months ago I started back at work. I left my sweet boy in the care of a dear friend and entered into that extremely fun, oh so guilt-ridden, life of the working mom.

My first full day at the office was, well, horrendous - I felt like I was in the wrong place all day.

Mr. Happy picked up our little Mogrunt and brought him to the office to get me at the end of the day. When I saw the little Mogrunt walking down the hall to my office that day, with tears in his eyes, I crouched down and met him with a hug and my own tears.

I wore this vest on my first day back at work. The name of the pattern is Bleaklow. On my Ravelry page, I have this project listed as "How I feel about retuning to work" - because I did, indeed, feel Bleak and Low about it.

Now, a year later, the Mogrunt has graduated from home care where he enjoyed playing with his dear friend, Ella, her dog Maya and her Mama, to daycare (another set of tears and an adjustment period and finally complete joy at playing with his friends every day) and now, we're in another transition period.

A daycare opened near my office and my husband's office. Rather than travel across the harbour bridge twice a day (the ONLY downside of our former, lovely daycare), the Mogrunt and I now drop Daddy off before popping over tot he daycare.  This shortens our drive and decreases our stress levels immensely, as well as puts money back in our pocket.

However, it is another new experience for him and there have been more tears both from him and Mama.

The guilt continues: The old daycare was near the waterfront, where he could see tugboats, ships, trains, cranes, sailboats, and all sorts of activity every day. And every morning we would drive past Theodore Tugboat at his dock and every day the Mogrunt would say, cheerily, "Dood Mornin' Pee-da-pour!"

Now, he's in the industrial park where it's cars, trucks, construction and blah. Granted, his daycare is situated near a lake with a boardwalk around it. And as the area around him isn't over-developed, he will get the pleasure of trees and birds and other wildlife.

I just have to remember that the benefit of having him close by will be more apparent in the winter when I'm not travelling across that bloody bridge in a snowstorm and fighting traffic on icey roads. And, as we'll have more time to play in the evenings, we'll just have to go visit the waterfront on our side of the harbour.

So Bleaklow. I'm trying to feel it less and see the good things in it.

I love this vest. I just wish I had knit it a bit longer. oh, and I also wish I hadn't gained 10 pounds since returning to work.


  1. Cars & construction? From a toddler point of view, that sounds awesome! There are actually DVDs that you can buy that are nothing but construction equipment in action. Someone wrote in Salon last year that her son was in ecstasy whenever he watched it.

    You're not going to change daycares, so guilt over it is just a waste of energy.

  2. I am sorry for the bleak and low moments. But I know you also have your happy and high ones. And that is what you are working for. You are awesome!

  3. Anonymous2:43 p.m.

    Sorry to hear the transition is being rough on you. The new place sounds amazing as well, lucky boy to experience both!
    Would a real ride on my sailboat help? Cause you are all totally invited, just need a little itty bitty PFD.


  4. Hugs to you! My kids are grown and basically off on their own and some days even I still feel the bleak and low. There's ALWAYS something to deal with, some sort of transition happening, second-guessing going on, and etc.

    All you can do is the best you can.

  5. Glad to see you are posting again :) Missed reading your news, and seeing your crafty wonders :)